I watched The Wicker Man and I didn’t like it. 2/5
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Nicolas Cage’s The Wicker Man (2006) takes the classic 1973 British horror film and drags it through a bewildering, unintentional parody of itself. Directed by Neil LaBute, this modern reimagining had the potential to infuse new life into its source material, with an eerie island cult and the ever-eclectic Cage at its center. But rather than crafting a chilling, atmospheric tale, what unfolds is an unintentionally comedic mess that veers so far off course that it’s hard to believe it wasn’t all a big, elaborate joke.
The story follows Edward Malus (Cage), a troubled police officer haunted by past trauma, who receives a letter from his ex-fiancée begging him to help find her missing daughter on a remote island. Right from the start, the film establishes an air of unnatural awkwardness that only compounds as Edward steps foot onto the mysterious island of Summersisle, run by a matriarchal pagan society with rituals that grow increasingly bizarre.
Visually, the film isn’t much to complain about. The picturesque shots of the Pacific Northwest substitute for the original’s Scottish Highlands, capturing some semblance of isolation and unease. But aesthetics alone can’t save this shipwreck. LaBute’s direction and script seem torn between paying homage to the original and exploring new territory, and it suffers from a lack of tonal consistency. The movie struggles to decide if it wants to be a serious horror or a campy thriller and ends up somewhere in an awkward limbo where neither side truly works.
Then, there’s Nicolas Cage himself, the enigmatic force whose presence is the film’s only real saving grace. Cage gives a performance that oscillates wildly between subdued confusion and full-blown manic hysteria. His outbursts – and you know which ones I’m talking about (“How’d it get burned?!” and the infamous “Not the bees!” scene) – teeter on the edge of absurdity and become unintentionally iconic. It’s classic Cage, and while his unique energy injects some moments with entertainment, it’s ultimately misplaced and unfocused, turning suspense into a kind of surreal comedy.
The screenplay, riddled with wooden dialogue and lacking any subtlety, doesn’t give the plot much of a chance to shine. The mystery of the missing girl and the looming sacrificial ritual build up with all the grace of a high school play. Revelations are heavy-handed, often leading to more questions about the characters’ motivations than the story’s intended enigma. The women of Summersisle, led by Sister Summersisle (played with a curious but underwhelming detachment by Ellen Burstyn), exude an unsettling presence, but the script doesn’t utilize their potential to make them truly menacing or memorable.
If there’s one place where the film truly drops the ball, it’s in its climax. The original The Wicker Man thrives on a devastating, inevitable conclusion that cements its legacy as a masterclass in horror. Here, the finale, chaotic and laughably executed, leaves you cringing instead of chilling. The eerie finality of ritual sacrifice is undercut by Cage’s exaggerated struggle and overwrought dialogue that borders on self-parody. The emotional punch of horror is nowhere to be found, replaced instead by confusion and bemused laughter.
In the end, The Wicker Man (2006) is a study in how not to approach a remake. Despite some striking visuals and Cage’s trademark eccentricity, the movie stumbles into unintentional farce more often than it achieves genuine terror or tension. It’s watchable – but for all the wrong reasons. This film gets a generous 2/5, saved only by Cage’s over-the-top antics that have since become internet meme gold. If you’re in the mood for something to laugh at rather than be frightened by, this cult-classic misfire might be the right kind of wrong.