Diamonds Are Forever is the cinematic equivalent of a hangover meal. After the ambition and heartbreak of On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, the James Bond franchise immediately backtracks and tries to chase a lighter, sillier high. Connery’s back—thanks to a massive paycheck—and everything feels just a little more cartoonish.
This is a 3 out of 5 for me. I liked it, but mostly in the way you like a slightly trashy dessert. It’s enjoyable in spurts, glossy in that early-70s way, and occasionally very funny, but it’s also messy, tonally inconsistent, and absolutely does not care about the events of the previous film.
Plot: Diamonds, Doppelgängers, and Death Lasers
Bond is sent to investigate a diamond smuggling operation, which, naturally, leads him to Las Vegas, fake identities, a Howard Hughes stand-in, and eventually a space laser. The diamonds are being hoarded not to flood the market, but to power a satellite that can vaporize nuclear targets from orbit. Because sure, why not.
There’s a fun noir-ish seed that Diamonds Are Forever holds; a smuggling ring, secret labs, body doubles—but the film has no interest in grounding any of it. The plot is just a series of flashy stops on a casino tour, each zanier than the last.
Sean Connery: The Smirk Returns
Connery returns, but this isn’t the Bond of Goldfinger. This is the Bond who knows the machine now. He’s older, softer, and visibly less invested. But he’s also relaxed, charming, and seems to be having just enough fun that you don’t mind too much. It’s Connery coasting, but with a good enough baseline that he still commands the screen.
This Bond kills a man in an elevator, makes a corpse joke, and then suavely flirts his way through a craps table. He’s lethal and lazy in equal measure. There’s an odd comfort in it.
Blofeld, But Make It Camp
Charles Gray steps in as the third Blofeld and decides, apparently, to play him as a posh game show host with a penchant for cross-dressing. He’s neither terrifying nor mysterious. Instead, he’s a flamboyant prankster with a volcano-sized ego and very questionable wardrobe choices.
The whole Blofeld body double subplot is both underdeveloped and overused. It opens with promise, Bond choking out someone in a mud bath is a strong start, but fizzles quickly. By the end of Diamonds Are Forever, you’re just kind of watching Bond chase a man in a Nehru jacket across a rigged oil platform.
The Henchmen: Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd
Now here’s where things get interesting. Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd are unlike any Bond villains before or since. They’re odd, deadpan, clearly coded as queer (in a way that hasn’t aged well), and deeply unsettling. They murder with glee, trade dry one-liners, and seem to be having a much more coherent movie to themselves.
As assassins, they’re effective and weirdly memorable. As characters, they’re problematic, but undeniably unique. They walk the tightrope between horror and humor, and somehow manage not to fall.
Bond Girls: Tiffany Case, the Downward Slide
Jill St. John’s Tiffany Case starts off strong—witty, glamorous, seemingly competent. But by the final act, she’s just another damsel, mostly standing around in a bikini, screaming directions while Bond takes over everything. It’s a disappointing arc, especially after Tracy di Vicenzo in the last film.
She’s not bad, exactly. She’s just the victim of a script that forgets about her once the diamonds start sparkling.
Setting and Style: Sin City Shenanigans
Las Vegas is both a blessing and a curse for this film. It gives the movie a bright, kitschy, sleazy charm—neon lights, gaudy casinos, Howard Hughes impersonators—but it also strips Bond of the international intrigue that usually defines him. He feels weirdly local, like a secret agent who missed his flight and decided to make the best of it in Nevada.
There’s a certain aesthetic joy to it all, though. The fashion is wild. The car chases are ridiculous. The moon buggy escape is hilariously dumb. The film knows it’s absurd and leans in hard.
The Ending: Loud and Forgettable
The climax, set on an offshore oil platform, feels surprisingly muted. There’s a helicopter raid, some mediocre explosions, and Blofeld dangling in a submersible like a cartoon villain. It lacks tension, and the payoff is more “okay, I guess” than “wow, what a finale.”
Even the epilogue, with Wint and Kidd reappearing for one last assassination attempt during a romantic cruise, feels like an afterthought.
Final Verdict: Shiny, Silly, Slightly Stale
Diamonds Are Forever is a fun ride if you don’t think too hard. It’s Bond in his Vegas residency phase, all style, sass, and sequins. The plot barely holds together, the villain feels more like a sketch character, and Connery’s clearly counting the days. But somehow, it’s still watchable.
Call it guilty pleasure Bond.